Pop Star's Single, 'Booty Wave', Most Likely Civilization's Downfall
Multi-millionaire pop sensation, K'ronikka, appears on Today Now! completely unaware that she is responsible for the deterioration of civilized society.


TheOnion- Length: 2:36
- Views: 455974
- Tags: Onion comedy Booty Wave K'ronikka
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Missing Teen's Friends Go On TV To Plead For Her Release, Gossip About Ugly Classmates
Two teens visit Today Now! in the hopes of finding their kidnapped friend and letting her know that their classmate is totally knocked up.


Al Qaeda Attacks Internet With Photo Of Adorable Piglet
Full coverage tonight at 10/9c only on IFC TV. The irresistibly cute photo was forwarded millions of times before servers collapsed. Original photo: yfrog.com


Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election
Our morning show's political correspondent offers tips on how you can seem informed about politics without picking up a single newspaper.


TheOnion- Length: 3:00
- Views: 574368
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Hostages Trapped Inside Walmart Insisting They Never Shop At Walmart
A gunman at a Dearborn, MI Walmart is holding dozens of shoppers who say they only happened to be at the tacky megachain by coincidence.


Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'
Despite arguments against capital punishment, the Justices overwhelmingly approved its use, especially if they get to participate in some executions.


TheOnion- Length: 3:02
- Views: 1524218
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World Premiere Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 - The Onion
Would you like to discover more about this game? Be sure to visit DeltaGamer: deltagamer.com Name: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 Release date: November 8, 2011 Platform(s): PC, PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 Publisher(s): Activision Blizzard Developer(s): Infinity Ward and Sledgehammer Games


GamerSpawn- Length: 2:43
- Views: 14626408
- Tags: Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 cod:MW2 MW2 cod6 Modern Warfare 3 cod:MW3 MW3 cod7 World Premiere The Onion Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Features Awaiting Orders Repairing Trucks PC playstation 3 Xbox 360 Activision Blizzard Infinity Ward Sledgehammer Games 2009 Game Games Gaming gamerspawn.net
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'9/11 Conspiracy Theories Ridiculous' - Al Qaeda
An Al Qaeda representative says that claims the US government was behind the attacks on Sept. 11th are demeaning to Al Qaeda. More coverage at: onion.com


TheOnion- Length: 2:47
- Views: 2621396
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Warcraft Sequel Lets You Play A Character Playing Warcraft
World Of World Of Warcraft's amazing level of detail makes players feel like they are actually in a cramped, dark apartment playing World Of Warcraft. More coverage at: onion.com


TheOnion- Length: 2:59
- Views: 3738434
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Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys
Repeatedly stabbing monkeys with sharpened objects may have an adverse effect on their health, according to a new study. More coverage at: onion.com


TheOnion- Length: 1:08
- Views: 2473825
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FDA Official: "Just Eat A Goddamn Vegetable"
During the Daily Briefing, Tucker Hope reports that the FDA is urging Americans to put something green in their dumb mouths.


Blockbuster Offers Glimpse Of Movie Renting Past
The Blockbuster Video Living Museum offers tourists a glimpse of how Americans rented movies before the advent of services like Netflix and iTunes. More coverage at: onion.com


TheOnion- Length: 2:08
- Views: 464959
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New Google Phone Service Whispers Targeted Ads Directly Into Users' Ears
The new feature reduces Google phone users' cell phone costs while providing them with unobtrusive, personalized ads delivered in a friendly whisper.


Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation
Today Now! has the story of an 8-year-old whose demand for never-ending wish fulfillment may force the Make-A-Wish Foundation to shut down. More coverage at: onion.com


TheOnion- Length: 2:24
- Views: 714364
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China Celebrates Status As Number One Polluter
China revels in a UN report that found it has the highest smog levels in the world, a sure sign of China's progress and prosperity. More coverage at: onion.com


TheOnion- Length: 2:04
- Views: 581045
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All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash
Breaking News, officials confirm that all online data has been lost after the Internet crashed and was forced to restart. More coverage at: www.onion.com


TheOnion- Length: 3:00
- Views: 439400
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